Want to find contentment in the hand you’ve been dealt? Wondering if there are practical things you can do to be content? Hoping to kick comparison to the curb? You’ve come to the right place.

I had some amazing and entertaining roommates in college. There was Anita, who had a habit of sleepwalking and talking most nights. One time, I woke up to find her standing over me, mumbling a tune and shushing me when I tried to guide her back to bed. “Listen to me,” she insisted in her sleep, “You’re singing it wrong!” (Did I mention I was a music major? And she was… not?) Another night, she tried to climb out of the window above my bed, convinced our apartment was on fire. It wasn’t. Her antics kept us all entertained the next morning.

Then there was Kim—God’s way of preparing me for marriage to my polar opposite. She was everything I wasn’t: organized, prepared, disciplined, and orderly. Thankfully, we both loved Jesus and found plenty to laugh about as we navigated life together during my last two years of college.

But after graduation, I found myself coexisting with a different kind of roommate—one that wasn’t so easy to laugh about.

Discontentment.

Make no mistake, discontentment is like a toxic roommate—constantly taking up space in your mind without paying any rent. Her twin, Comparison, is just as demanding, draining your mental and spiritual energy while offering nothing in return.

A few years ago, I made the decision to evict them both. They still try to sneak back in during my low moments, but they no longer have a permanent place in my life. I’ve written and spoken about this struggle before (check it out here and here.)

If you’re wondering how to be content today, I want to offer you some practical ways to shut the door on comparison and find contentment similar to how Paul describes it in Philippians.

This is what the man well-acquainted with hardship—one who carried a “thorn in his flesh”—had to say about it:

“Not that I am implying that I was in any personal want, for I have learned how to be content (satisfied to the point where I am not disturbed or disquieted) in whatever state I am.

I know how to be abased and live humbly in straitened circumstances, and I know also how to enjoy plenty and live in abundance. I have learned in any and all circumstances the secret of facing every situation, whether well-fed or going hungry, having a sufficiency and enough to spare or going without and being in want.

I have strength for all things in Christ Who empowers me [I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him Who infuses inner strength into me; I am self-sufficient in Christ’s sufficiency]” (Philippians 4:11-13 AMP).

…satisfied to the point where I am not disturbed or disquieted in whatever state I am?

…self-sufficient in Christ’s sufficiency?

Heck, yeah!

But also, how on earth?!

Here are a few strategies that have helped me immensely…

5 Practical Ways to Find Contentment In the Life You’ve Been Dealt

1. Own your God-given identity

I’m unorganized, forgetful, and extremely spontaneous (squirrel!). But God wired me that way. Recognizing my strengths, limitations, and current life season, I trust that God has placed me exactly where I need to be—whether it’s a one-talent season or a 5-talent one (see this blog post for more on my take on Matthew 25:14-30). Charles Spurgeon once said, “When your will is God’s will, you will have your will.” [1] If I believe that my Father knows best, then I can embrace who and where I am, eagerly serving Him with all my heart right here.

2. Seek out authentic community.

When the people you’re spending time with—whether in person or online—seem like they have it all together, chances are, you’re not getting the full story. Authentic community is built on honesty and vulnerability. If your small group only shares surface-level prayer requests like, “healing for my uncle’s cousin’s neighbor’s niece once removed,” it might be time to find a space where people talk about what’s really going on in their lives.

For example, “I know I need to stop yelling at my kid, but I’ve tried everything and can’t seem to get a handle on it,” was a sentence straight from my journal a decade ago—something I never dared to say out loud in Bible study. But looking back, I wonder: What if I had? Who else might have felt safe enough to be real about their own struggles? What if, instead of keeping each other at a distance with filtered versions of our lives, we actually held onto each other in the mess? It’s not about finding someone to join us in a pity party—it’s about being seen, heard, and reminded that we’re not alone. (I wrote more about this here.)

3. Fully live in God’s presence.

This may sound abstract, but Psalm 91 reminds us that making God our dwelling place is key to avoiding the harm of comparison’s lies. (Check out this episode where the Holy Spirit used the voice of Will Smith to hit home this concept. What? His Spirit doesn’t speak to you in movie lines? Hmm. Weird…)

Oswald Chambers once said, “Your priorities must be God first, God second, and God third, until your life is continually face to face with God.” [2] There’s just no time or need to focus on what others have, get, do, or boast about when I’m uber-focused on the bigger, better presence of Almighty God in my life. I stay there by meditating on God’s word throughout the day, spending time in prayer and silence, and returning there when my mind and heart wander away. When we focus on living in His presence, we naturally shift our attention away from what others have and instead find fulfillment in Him alone.

4. Pray for and serve your (self-appointed) competition.

Nowhere in the Bible does it say we should compete with other believers. In fact, as author Peter DeHaan points out, “The Bible mentions community eighty-five times and fellowship ninety-four times.” [3] Ephesians 6:18 even reminds us that praying for other believers is part of our spiritual armor. If contentment helps us let go of comparison, then let’s lift up the people we tend to measure ourselves against. They’re facing struggles we can’t see, and God has given them a purpose that Satan would love to derail. As Somer Phebus puts it, “If God calls you to be a rung on the ladder that your competition climbs, then be sturdy and help her up.” [4] The best way to do that? Pray for her discipleship and ministry to thrive. Or take it a step further—send an encouraging note, drop off a meal for her family, or surprise her with a Starbucks gift card (just me?).

5. Stop trying to do what God hasn’t called you to do.

Let’s be real—women who follow Jesus might just be the busiest people on the planet. No official stats on that, just a long list of frustrated, burned-out women trying to do all the things simply because everyone else is. (See also tip #1.) Maybe the reason we aren’t seeing the same results as someone else is because we’ve lost sight of our own God-given mission.

I’d love for my house to look like Joanna Gaines decorated it—but she doesn’t live here, and home design isn’t my calling. I’d love to be booking more speaking engagements like some of my friends, but right now, God has placed three precious lives in my home, and they’re my current life-speaking priority. When I start feeling discontent, it’s usually because I’m chasing roles that don’t actually fit the unique, God-designed space in my heart and life. If you’re volunteering somewhere out of guilt or to keep up with “Mrs. Jones,” (i.e., not because God told you to)—bail out. I’m giving you permission to let it go. This will also give you more time to enact tip #3—Win-Win. (Take a listen to this podcast series on Busyness if this point particularly resonated with you).

Living a contented life is more of a journey than it is a magical switch-flip. If you want to hear my story of moving from the stressful state of comparison into the peaceful place of contentment, check out this conversation with the fun and wise Jenny Zentz on the Interwined Podcast. And grab my free 3-Day Contentment Challenge here.

How are you kicking discontentment out of your life today? What’s one step you can take to evict the life-sucking roommate of comparison? Comment below, and let’s keep the conversation going!