7 Steps to Find Joy In Being A Mom: Practical Ways to Enjoy Your Kids

Motherhood. It’s a journey often painted with idyllic scenes of serene moments and perfectly behaved children. But as any mom will tell you, the reality is frequently a beautiful, chaotic mess, filled with unexpected turns, relentless demands, and moments where you might find yourself thinking, “This did not go as planned.” In a recent podcast interview, my guest, Cara Dyck, and I bravely dove into this very topic: How to find joy in being a mom.

The Unexpected Challenges of Being a Mom

Cara, a mother of adopted boys, shared her unique journey into motherhood. Coming from a large family and having worked as a pediatric nurse, she was no stranger to children. However, the daily reality of being a primary caregiver hit differently. “When you’re just the big sister or you’re the nurse… you check out at the end of the day,” she explained. “You’re not 24/7, seven days a week.” This constant demand, coupled with her sons’ significant needs in their toddler stage, left her feeling “physically tired, emotionally tired, and spiritually tired.”

I understand this exhaustion first-hand—my journals from my kids’ younger years reflect deep feelings of inadequacy, overwhelm, and fatigue, which snatched my joy on the daily.

The Guilt Trap vs the Power of Community to Find Joy

Many mothers face the “guilt” of finding motherhood hard, particularly those who waited long for children. Cara articulated this perfectly: “This is such a wonderful gift that God has given me. I wanted this for so long. And now it’s like, it’s not always fun.” This internal conflict can lead to shame and isolation.

That’s why authentic community with other moms is crucial. While complaining publicly about children is hurtful, bottling up struggles is equally unhealthy. The enemy wants you to think you’re alone, but the truth is, the mom next door is most likely facing similar challenges. Finding a trusted circle allows for encouragement, prayer, and the realization that the struggle is not only real but universal.

Wisdom from Generations: The Joy of the Lord is Our Strength

Even while suffering from dementia, Cara’s grandmother remembered the struggles of being a young mom and how she clung to the verse from Nehemiah 8:10: “The joy of the Lord is your strength.” This powerful gift of truth, decades later, still resonated with her grandmother and became a mantra for Cara.

True joy is a fruit of the Spirit, something God produces in our lives. It’s deeper than circumstances, allowing us to find joy and contentment even in difficult moments, like caring for sick children. As Matthew Henry said of Nehemiah 8:10: “Holy joy will be oil to the wheels of our obedience.” This means joy makes the often-challenging path of obedience in motherhood much smoother, helping us to grow and be sanctified through the process.

Cara gave the best analogy I’ve heard on the difference between true joy and fleeting happiness. “Happiness would be kind of like… a glass of, of ice cold water. And it’s just it’s satisfying and it’s nice and it’s great, but it’s soon gone and, the water is gone – and the thirst comes back,” she explained. “Whereas joy would be more like… having a deep well of fresh spring water that’s cold and abundant, and you can keep drawing from it.”

Tapping into Your Well of Joy: 7 Practical Steps to Find Joy in Being A Mom

So, when your “joy meter” feels low, what can you do? Cara offered several practical insights to keep us focused on the joy of the Lord as our strength:

1. Assess Your Relationship with God: This is foundational. In busy seasons, your quiet time might look different. It might mean listening to an audio Bible while getting dressed or using nap times for reflection (or try any one of the 10 creative ways to get in the word found in this free printable download. The key is to not give up on spending time with God He has a heart for mothers and will meet you where you are.
2. Be Mindful of Social Media and Comparison: The curated “perfect lives” on social media can quickly steal your joy. Comparing your messy reality to someone else’s highlight reel is a joy-killer. Be intentional about how you spend your time and protect your mind from this trap.
3. Accept Help: God designed us to need others. Don’t let pride prevent you from asking for help from your husband, friends, or family when you’re going through a tough season. Accepting support is not a sign of weakness; it’s a recognition of God’s provision.
4. Release the Pursuit of Perfectionism: God doesn’t expect you to be a perfect parent. He’s using motherhood to sanctify you, to “work off some of those rough edges,” as Cara eloquently put it. Don’t let the desire for perfection or people-pleasing steal the joy God wants to give you. Your children’s behavior doesn’t define your worth as a mother.
5. Prioritize Special Moments and Fun: Make a conscious effort to purposely have fun with your kids, even if it doesn’t come naturally to you. This could involve little rituals, songs, special outings, or even just one-on-one time for ice cream. Don’t take yourself too seriously all the time; laugh together, play games, and create inside jokes.
6. Catch Your Kids Being Good: It’s easy to focus on misbehavior, but intentionally looking for and celebrating the good things your kids do can transform your perspective and their behavior. While it can be challenging, especially after a tough day, acknowledging positive actions encourages more of them and reminds you of their good qualities. As Shelly noted, “We all live on praise.”
7. Record Blessings and Memories: Keeping a memory jar or simply recording blessings, funny moments, or even how God helped you through difficult times can be a powerful practice. Reviewing these memories, either individually or as a family, serves as a reminder of God’s faithfulness and the joys, even amidst the challenges, that you’ve experienced together. These reflections can shift your focus from daily struggles to the broader picture of your family’s journey and God’s good, faithful hand in it.

Ultimately, our capacity to find joy in motherhood isn’t about avoiding difficulties but about cultivating a deep well of spiritual strength and intentionally creating moments of connection and appreciation within our family. It’s a journey of growth, love, and often, unexpected detours. But by nurturing our relationship with God, embracing authentic community, and choosing to draw from the deep well of His joy, we can find the strength and contentment to navigate every season with a heart full of gratitude and grace.

* Mom and boys under sheet Image by HANSUAN FABREGAS from Pixabay

* Hands in water Image by Manuel Darío Fuentes Hernández from Pixabay