How to Keep A New Year’s Resolution
Historically, I would not be your goto author for “How to Keep ‘a New Year’s Resolutiion”. Several months ago, my husband handed me the book Finish by Jon Acuff and said, “I think this might be helpful.” Early in our marriage this would have produced tears, but after twenty-seven years, I can handle it. The book’s subtitle is Give Yourself the Gift of Done, and it was a gift indeed!
I am a world class starter, overflowing with grandiose ideas and the creativity to make them shine. But while I have improved over time, I am not a strong finisher. And because I am also easily distracted and extremely spontaneous, I have a slew of partially completed projects just waiting to be finished.
I typically don’t make New Year’s resolutions – after all, I’m fully capable of setting unrealistic goals all year long. But as I begin 2023, I’m more committed than ever to completing projects and accomplishing objectives.
A 2016 study found that only 8% of Americans who make New Year’s resolutions successfully keep them for a full year. The reasons for failure are as diverse as the individuals who make them and include setting unrealistic goals (*hand raised*), forgetfulness, lack of accountability, failure to track results, lack of clarity, and procrastination.
For me, the biggest hurdles in completing goals typically pop up before I start. I’ve learned if I don’t first make room for the goal to flourish, it’s doomed before I begin. Here are some of the stumbling blocks that have kept me from achieving my goals in the past, and some ideas for overcoming them:
PERFECTIONISM
Acuff writes, “[Perfectionism is] persistent and particularly dangerous because it masquerades as excellence.” He then explains that the opposite of perfectionism is not failure but finished. My mother-in-law, a respected member of her local quilting guild, has often reminded me “finished is better than perfect.”
Sometimes perfectionism shows up as an excuse for not starting at all – “I’m too old to start a writing career” or “I’ll wait until my house is straight and orderly” – which hasn’t happened the last 51 years, but perhaps year 52 will see it done.
Acuff’s remedy for perfectionism is cutting the goal in half – great advice for those of us who dream big but underestimate the time and energy successful completion will require. I am learning to set smaller goals I can realistically achieve and put rewards in place to keep me moving forward.
THE POWER OF A “NO”
Successfully achieving a goal or keeping a resolution requires saying “No” to other things – many of them GOOD. Worthy asks from friends and organizations – including my church – are hard for me to turn down. However, I’m learning to consider several questions when presented with these opportunities:
- What will I release to make room/time for this new thing? Y’all can thank my husband for this nugget – it’s the question he asks every time I’m contemplating a new endeavor. When I see an empty week on my calendar, I usually think, “I can put it there!” My hubs sees that same opening and thinks, “I should protect the margin it provides.” Opposites truly do attract. I’ve had to change the way I view my time as the valuable resource it is. Margin is life-giving and when I don’t have it, my family and key goals end up getting the bare leftovers. Which leads to the next question:
- Does this help me achieve the goals I already have or distract from them? A ministry leader recently approached me about serving on the advisory board where I volunteer. I really wanted to do it, but there is another service opportunity coming up that better fits God’s current calling on my life. While it was difficult to decline the first, I’m looking forward to how God will use a less frazzled me in the one I accepted.
- Is God calling me to do this? Because if I’m honest, it’s often just my ego calling. A resume builder, the satisfaction of feeling needed, or the credit I will receive. Harry Truman said, “It’s amazing what you can accomplish when you do not care who gets the credit.” It’s a great thought to ponder before giving a “yes” when God isn’t clearly calling. What is my motivation? The Holy Spirit, or my flesh?
REPLACING HABITS
I’m learning that if I want different results than I’ve had in the past, I must proceed with different habits – the old ones haven’t served me well. My ADD and I are easily distracted by easy, fun tasks, so I must remove stumbling blocks I know will trip me up – for example, setting my phone screen to black and white (less enticing) and activating screen time limits.
Another new habit is helping me live a healthier life. I recently traded my Google-searching-and-plunging-into-fad-diets habit for regular consultations with a certified nutritionist. I’m noticing a big difference in my health even with large amounts of cheating over the recent holidays. Habit-replacement for the win.
Lastly, I can’t write a post about finishing well without a reminder that the ultimate work has been finished. I’ll say it one more time for the doubters in the back – the ultimate work in your life and mine has been finished! After reading my post “It’s never too late to be a good mom” my son wisely reminded me that “as a Christian, we fight FROM victory, not FOR victory. Christ’s victory. The more I look like Jesus is really just me leaning more fully into who I already am in Christ.” He went on to remind me that I’m not gaining identity when I’m slaying it with self-control or habits that make me stronger, I’m leaning into my already-possessed identity by what Christ has already accomplished.” Boom. (You can bet there will be an entire blog post written here by this guy in the future).
So how about you? What lies has perfectionism told you lately? What should you remove from your agenda before you pursue new resolutions? What unsupportive habits need to be replaced with healthier ones? Eliminating these barriers will aid your journey toward finishing! Let’s be part of the 8% this year! And for more great insights on this topic, I highly recommend picking up a copy of Acuff’s book here! And don’t forget that in Christ, we are technically starting 2023 at the finish line – every extra step adding to our joy and understanding, but not our wholeness in Christ – we are already there!
