How to Make Marriage More Than A Hashtag

 

I get a kick out of today’s wedding shenanigans.  Don’t get me wrong.  Today’s weddings are super-crazy creative, for SURE.  I love the look of the new casual elegance, replacing the unity candle with a painting or sand art, blowing bubbles or lighting sparklers in place of throwing rice (with the amount of hairspray I had in my hair on my wedding day, it literally took about 4 shampoos to remove all that caked-in bird seed) and all the other innovative ways folks are making their weddings memorable and unique.

 

But MAN, the work going into these millennial weddings!  Just having to come up with a competitively creative hashtag might have been a deal breaker for me!  (Sorry Art, not much rhymes with “Snead”).   Seriously, there’s no ring to #becomingaSnead #foreveraSnead #2Sneadsinapod #ineedaSnead, or #ibleedSnead.

And then the MONEY going into these weddings!  Whoa!  From “Save the date” announcements and booking the perfectly photo-worthy reception venues to fairytale videography and “say yes to the dress” productions.   With all the bills on my plate at this moment, as a married mother of 4, I honestly believe I would (in hindsight) forego the wedding and take the money NOW!  (And we didn’t spend a smidgen of what’s going into these weddings these days!).

 

I guess my beef is not so much with everything going into making the wedding a “smash”, as it is comparing that preparation to what has to go into making the marriage a smash.  Having been married for 22 years, now, I can promise you this

– the wedding is a drop in the bucket compared to the work needed to maintain a thriving, lasting marriage. 

Because when the guests leave, the glitter gets vacuumed up and the dress gets packaged up for the next 20+years, there you are, no longer making your own choices (which lead to outcomes that affect ONLY YOU), but you’re now accountable to and for another person, who Biblically-speaking, is now ONE with you. 

So it’s not just about what makes YOU happy, comfortable, safe, and fulfilled anymore.

It’s about what makes US happy, comfortable, safe, and fulfilled.

Which would be easy if we married someone exactly like us…  I didn’t do that (and I’m guessing most people don’t).  I actually married my polar opposite.  As in, I’ve never SEEN any 2 people so completely different.  So different, that I’m confident if we didn’t love each other completely, we potentially would despise each other!  How crazy is that? 

He’s a type A, I’m a type…Z.  He’s organized, I’m scattered.  He likes routine, I like spontaneously.  He has a concise, specific to-do list he completes each day, I have sticky notes all over the house and still manage to not do a single thing on them.  He loves every kind of fruit, I love every kind of vegetable.  He can only be in one conversation/train of thought at a time, I’ve got like 25 in the works…while washing the dishes, nodding at kids, and petting the dog with my foot.  He’s an introvert, I’m an extra-EXTRAvert.  The list goes on and on.

 

But the reason we’re still married after years of literally driving each other absolutely NUTS is one word:  insanity  JESUS. Jesus knew the areas we both needed to grow in, so he gave us each a LIVE-IN reminder of where we needed to improve, and where we needed to extend grace.

Jesus gives us the perfect example of loving sacrificially – he gave us his life (Romans 5:8).  Marriage is not a “50-50” endeavor where we meet halfway.  We committed to give 100% of ourselves, NO MATTER what we’re receiving in return.

Jesus is our example of keeping a covenant – even when it’s tough, and we’re sweating drops of blood.

Jesus is our source of truth. So, no matter what we may disagree on,  we agree on our purpose in and through Him, and at the end of the day, we meet on the same road, the same path.  (Even if I tried to take 80 shortcuts to get there, and he just took the train.)

If you’re struggling in yours, I just want to encourage you right now with raw honesty: Marriage isn’t easy.  It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever “done” in my life.  But God has bigger and greater plans than even our day-to-day battles, and I’ve seen him work them out with far more creativity and eternal purpose than I could have ever dreamed possible 22 years ago.  Hang in there.  Pray.  Love (it’s a choice, you know).  Forgive.  LAUGH (it’s so therapeutic).  And lean on JESUS.  He’s it.  #justJesus   Now THAT’s the ultimate wedding hashtag.

And don’t get me started about gender reveal parties.  Trust me, save the money for the therapy you’ll need when the kid grows up.

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