Parenting with Grace

“MOM!  Chill. Out!”

When my 14yo daughter hissed those words at me this morning, not only did I not “chill,” I responded by slamming my books on the table and whispering fiercely (did I mention she was in the middle of a Zoom tutoring session?) “Don’t. Ever. Tell. Me. To. Chill. Out.”

(Because, clearly, I was the epitome of super-chill).

I wasn’t always so harshly reactive.  I think the fleshly nature in this area of my life was just lying dormant waiting for the perfect moment to hatch unrecognizable monsters of rage, anger, attitudes, and temper tantrums.  It chose parenthood as the mark to begin its infiltration of my soul, thus,  I  was catapulted into a more honest look at myself. 

Flawed.  Imperfect.  Broken.  Selfish.  A Sinner.

Which is a much better vantage point for God to embrace this sniveling, humbled parent with a bear hug so full of grace that my only fitting response should be to extend that grace to my children. 

Also flawed.  Also imperfect.  Also broken, selfish, sinners.

It’s a daily struggle, but one I hope Jesus is winning.

As my daughter sat stewing on her Zoom session, I couldn’t very well have a meaningful conversation about my behavior (or hers).  But I knew I also couldn’t walk out the door for my own meeting without opening a window back into our relationship.  So I quickly scrawled on a piece of paper, “I am so sorry for losing my temper and slamming my stuff on the table.  I hope you can forgive me.  Because I love you – Mommy.”  Sure, she had been in the wrong as well, but she deserved better from me.  I spend my days sharing the gospel with this child, fighting on my knees for her to know a Heavenly Father who is not mad at her and does not treat her as her sins deserve. She deserved my example.

I gently folded the note, laid it beside her computer and prepared to walk out the door.  Before I could even turn the knob, she whispered, “Mom!  I forgive you!  And I’m sorry for being rude.  Wil you forgive me?”

Friends, that is what restoration looks like.  And it absolutely cannot happen when, as the parent, I choose conceit over connection.  I must tailor my responses with a “grace upon grace” approach rooted and redefined through the lens of the gospel.

Godly parenting must straddle the line with constant balance between truth and grace.  Only “truth” is not powerful discipline.  Because the purpose of discipline is to disciple, to teach.  And we cannot teach our children only HALF of who God is.  But only “grace” is not sufficient either.  We want our kids to know that while forgiveness is always imminent, sin still has consequences, the biggest of which is the disruption in our relationship with our Heavenly Parent, the lover of our souls.

My flesh yearns to be “in charge.”  But God says I’m most like Jesus when I’m humble. (Philippians 2).  So with my feet planted firmly in the unfailing Word of God, I am learning to lead with grace so that God can use my authority (and my life) as a bridge to better mirror Himself to my children.  And the world.