Surrendering the Pen
“When I have kids, I will NEVER make them mow the lawn!”
– anonymous 15 year old boy who lives in my house
“MY kids are going to have TVs in their own rooms and eat all the candy they want!”
– anonymous 14 year old girl who also lives in my house
Have you heard brash statements like these in your home? These types of comments from my kids are what propelled me to master the art of eye-rolling. Seriously – I’m a pro. Because, we all know that the second my son realizes his KIDS can mow (and thus, he doesn’t have to), they’ll be mowing his lawn. Am I right?! My daughter, on the other hand, may actually follow through with her agenda, but will soon realize the hyperactivity and dentist bills may not be worth it.
I like to think I have surrendered everything to Jesus – my heart, my will, my time, my resources. But often I’m like my kids. I think I’d do things MUCH differently if I were the heavenly parent. And I realized recently that the one thing I struggle with surrendering to His lordship and authority is… my pen.
Because I want to write the story. I want a specific ending where I come out on top and receive the accolades I am due. I’m okay with certain detours and departures as long as the narrative plays out in my time, with my verbiage. Psalm 118:8 says “it is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in humanity.” I’m really trusting in myself when I want control of that pen. And I wonder if it’s then that I need a good honest look at the flawless author and perfecter of my faith…
The God who says to the sea, “THIS FAR you may come, and no farther,”
who says to the proud waves, “THIS is where you halt”.
The God who has walked the recesses of the depths of the ocean,
Who has traveled beyond the gates of death and confiscated its very keys.
The God who makes desolate wastelands sprout with grass,
Whom the very lightning bolts report to, saying, “Here we are!”
The God who could endure the cross and mock the shame of it
Because He knew the joy of the resurrection would be worth it.
The God who cannot grow tired or weary,
Who NEVER sleeps or slumbers.
Whose arm is never too short,
Whose timing is never too late,
Whose mercies await me every morning as if never explored,
Whose glory I could never look upon LEST I DIE,
but who looks on me with such affection that he died so I could live!
A God who never needs me to beg him to “show up”
because He is ALREADY HERE and has promised to never leave!
So I daily – and at times, reluctantly – let go of the pen I’m holding too tightly and lay it in faith into the Lord’s right hand that “performs valiantly” (Psalm 118:15b). The yoke he has laid on me is custom-made – a perfect fit. Every word he writes is for my good. Every change in plot is for his glory. He’s an author that can be trusted with my entire heart and soul.
And my pen.
Where do you struggle in trusting God with your story? I’d love to partner with you in fellowship and prayer, so leave a comment!
Shelly, this is so well said and so timely for me right now. I struggle in finding purpose, but I want God to give me a purpose I consider to be ‘important’, not just any old purpose. I wrestle, I fight, I want more. But the truth is…I want it mostly for me. It is a realization I’ve made even this very week. It is a difficult and humbling place. Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability!
Yes! Same struggle here! Praying for BOTH of us to constantly remember that his plan is infinitely better than ours!
Hard to see IN the struggle what good can possibly come AFTER. But He has proved Himself faithful ❤️
Always to both!