What Does Scripture Say About Forgiveness?
Forgiveness is one of those foundational faith topics I think I’ve mastered until I’m put into a real-life scenario to actually practice it. As recently as 48 hours ago, I spent a restless night, tossing and turning neck-deep in waves of frustration and hurt at a wrong done to my family. It was a wrong done months ago, but the bitterness showed up like an unannounced (and uninvited) guest.
In a recent podcast conversation with author/speaker Teresa Whiting, I dove deep into the waters of grace and truth to answer the question, “What does God say about forgiveness?”
Why Talk About Forgiveness?
Right off the bat, Teresa points out that forgiveness isn’t just a side topic—it’s a core issue that impacts us emotionally, spiritually, and relationally. Yet, in many church contexts, forgiveness is poorly understood and even more poorly taught.
“We’re heavy on grace, and rightly so,” Teresa says, “but we’re light on justice.” That imbalance creates confusion and often leads to what she calls “easy forgiveness”—a kind of hurried grace that doesn’t acknowledge the real pain caused by sin.
What Is Easy Forgiveness?
Easy forgiveness is what happens when we rush the process. It’s saying “I forgive you” without ever really naming or processing the pain. Teresa warns that this kind of forgiveness can be harmful—not just to the one who was hurt, but also to the person who caused the harm.
“If you don’t take the time to process the damage, grieve the loss, or acknowledge the rupture, you’re jumping into restoration without ever doing the repair work,” she explains.
She adds that minimizing sin—pretending it wasn’t a big deal—is not forgiveness. It’s denial. And when we deny the seriousness of sin, we also deny the weight of Christ’s sacrifice. “If sin weren’t a big deal,” Teresa says, “Jesus wouldn’t have had to go to the cross.”
Naming the Pain and Releasing the Burden
So what does healthy forgiveness look like? Teresa urges us to start by naming the offense. Be honest about what happened. Feel the pain. Grieve the loss. And then—crucially—release it to God.
“Forgiveness means saying, ‘God, You are the just judge. I am not,’” she says. Referencing John Piper’s Future Grace, she adds, “Every sin will be paid for—either by Jesus on the cross or through the terrible justice of hell. So when we seek vengeance ourselves, we’re basically saying, ‘God, I can do justice better than You can.’”
Forgiveness vs. Reconciliation
A major takeaway from the conversation is that forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing. Forgiveness is a command, while reconciliation is an invitation that requires two willing hearts.
Romans 12:18 captures this tension well: “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” Sometimes, peace isn’t possible—not because we aren’t willing, but because the other person is not.
We can forgive without reopening a toxic or unsafe relationship. Teresa reminds us that we’re responsible for obedience, not outcomes.
Forgiveness Is a Process
Another myth Teresa debunks is the idea that forgiveness is a one-time event. Instead, it’s often a daily, even moment-by-moment decision. Drawing on Matthew 18, she reflects that forgiving “seventy times seven” might mean forgiving the same offense over and over again, especially when emotional triggers or memories resurface.
“When that pain resurfaces, and you say again, ‘God, I’ve forgiven this,’ that’s not failure—that’s faithfulness,” she says. This insight was welcome news to my war-torn heart, frustrated that the feelings of unforgiveness and bitterness still lingered. My willingness to keep handing it over to God is the path of faithful persistence that leads to life.
Forgiveness Reflects Our Gratitude
Ultimately, Teresa drives home the connection between our ability to forgive and our understanding of how much we’ve been forgiven. As Jesus says in Luke 7, “If the forgiveness is minimal, the gratitude is minimal.”
If we struggle to forgive others, it may be time to reflect on the debt we have been forgiven. “It’s not that I earned grace,” Teresa says. “It’s that I was hopeless without it.”
So, How Do We Forgive?
- Name the offense – Say it out loud. Write it down. Be honest about what happened.
- Grieve the pain – Don’t minimize it. Acknowledge the weight of what was lost or broken.
- Release justice to God – Let Him be the judge. You don’t have to carry that burden.
- Repeat as needed – When the pain resurfaces, reaffirm the choice to forgive.
- Let feelings follow obedience – Forgiveness isn’t a feeling. It’s a decision made in faith.
Forgiveness, as Teresa Whiting reminds us, is not a shortcut to peace but a sacred path through pain. It’s not passive, it’s not dismissive—and it’s not optional. But it is holy. It is healing. And it is possible.
“Forgiveness is not about saying it didn’t hurt. It’s about saying, ‘I trust God to carry what I cannot.’”
Be sure to grab a copy of Teresa’s Bible Study, Graced: How God Redeems and Restores the Broken. [1] And listen to the rest of our interview on episode #92 of the UnPerfect Podcast!
