Why Me?

I have often wondered why God designated me for some of my past and current roles, the hardest of which has been mom to kids with medical, physical, and emotional trauma.  I see all the times I have failed and don’t consider myself to have been the worthy choice.  Worse, I see parents in similar roles who appear to be killing it and it honestly makes me want to crawl in a hole some days.  Or at least have a chance to do the whole thing over!

When I look at who God chose to use in scripture to accomplish his will, I totally get why they asked, “why me”?  They were as screwed up as I am!  I mean, let’s face it, God chose a dysfunctional family as the root from which he would save the entire world.  (That statement alone gives me hope!)  Noah’s drunkenness led to his “indecent exposure,” Abraham lied and took matters into his own hands, Jacob was a schemer, Moses had anger issues (bless him – I do, too), and David was an adulterer who committed murder.  And that’s just the beginning of the list.  Don’t get me started on Peter, an impulsive and often irrational guy (and sadly, the disciple I can relate to the most) who denies Jesus at crunch time.  God shows throughout the Bible that he doesn’t choose the most “humanly” logical choice. 

Plus, I can’t really find anywhere in scripture where God says, “I’m choosing you because….,” and then lists the individual’s talents, giftings, and Myers Briggs results or Enneagram number.  The call to “go here” or “do this” is usually followed only with a promise to “go before,” “be with,” “speak through,” or “fight for.”

It makes me wonder if asking God “Why me?” is the wrong question.  It’s clear he’s not called me to this role because I was some first round draft pick for patience with a stellar record of always keeping my cool (just ask my kids), or because I possess mad skills in consistently applying wisdom (just ask my hubs).  So, pondering this question is fruitless.  Perhaps it’s more effective to inquire of Him, “How can I give you more of me and receive more of you during this season?”  It’s a question I must practice putting before him daily.

I’m realizing that God chooses me NOT BECAUSE of anything extraordinary I bring to the table, but IN SPITE of all the clumsy messes I make under it.  Paul understood this when he wrote in 1 Corinthians that God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise and what is weak to shame the strong.  He believed it – he called himself “the worst of sinners” and lived it by determining not to boast in ANYTHING except the cross.

Lord, take my focus off of the “why” of the equation, and set it on the “what” – which is always my immediate obedience and unceasing faith in You alone to accomplish the work. 

Are you asking God the wrong question today?  What’s your new approach going to be?