Parenting Your Wayward Adult Child
Many people frame parenting as a task with a clearly defined start and end. For past generations, once a child turned eighteen or left for college, the parenting journey was considered “complete”. However, today, many parents find themselves entering a complex, uncharted season. And parenting your wayward adult child is a common source of parental anxiety.
In a recent interview on the UnPerfect podcast, author Mary DeMuth shared insights from her book, Love, Pray, Listen: Parenting Your Wayward Adult Kids With Joy. She offers perspective and comfort to parents feeling brokenhearted or uncertain about their relationship with their grown children.
The Myth of the “Parenting Formula”
Many parents raised their children believing that if they read all the right books, followed the best advice, and faithfully checked every box, their kids would naturally turn out fine—following the path laid out for them without rebellion.
However, as DeMuth points out, parenting is not an input-output machine:
- For starters, proverbs are wise advice, not promises. Biblical wisdom literature, such as “train up a child in the way he should go,” offers practical principles for intentional parenting rather than absolute transactional guarantees.
- In addition, free will is the biggest part of the equation. Even in the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve have the perfect parent, yet they still choose to rebel. Wandering and rebellion are deeply tied to human choice. They do not measure a parent’s success or failure.
A Generation Seeking Stronger Connection
In previous generations, adulthood meant a clean break in the parent-child relationship. But today’s parents desire a genuine, flourishing connection with their adult children.
Many parents today want to raise their children differently than they were raised, but they lack a roadmap or clear models for parenting through adulthood. When adult children stray, distance themselves, or make choices that cause grief, parents endure immense heartbreak, frustration, and guilt.
Moving Forward: Love, Pray, & Listen
When formulaic approaches fail and relational distance grows, a parent’s posture must shift. Ground your response in love, prayer, and active listening to stay connected while honoring your adult child’s autonomy.
- Love: Offer unconditional care that reflects grace, not obligation or control.
- Pray: Release the urge to fix or direct, entrusting your adult children to God—who understands the heartbreak of wayward children on a macro scale.
- Listen: Create a safe space where your adult kids feel heard, not judged or lectured.
Parenting adult children may look different than what you envisioned, but letting go of perfectionism and embracing a posture of grace can pave the way for healing and restored joy.
What has been the most challenging or surprising part of parenting your adult children? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
Grab Mary’s book and a free ebook below.
Listen to the podcast episode here.
