Unwanted circumstances: The tools God uses to cause dependence on Him
If you have visited my blog before, you probably have a sense of the intense creativity with which my four children played when they were younger. The two oldest were incredibly creative and expressive, and the two youngest were fiercely devoted to carrying out their given missions in these daily shenanigans. On one such occasion, I looked out the bay window that overlooked our (thankfully) fenced-in backyard to find one of my kids completely naked and jumping out of the tree house. Mortified, I dropped my spatula and raced outside, frantically yelling for this child to get dressed.
My oldest son – innocently, yet emphatically – replied, “But mom – we are playing pirates! He must walk the plank and can’t take anything with him – not even his clothes!” Sadly, this was not their first game that ended in the removal of clothing and prompted a subsequent discussion on why they should remain clothed at all times. And it probably wasn’t the last. But my kids were keenly aware that captivity is often a thief, and were committed to acting out this reality.
There are times, however, when captivity is not a thief, but a benefactor.
I recently read the Confession of Saint Patrick and was reminded that confinement – being forced to stay where I did not choose – can be one of the greatest blessings God bestows. Unwanted circumstances are a tool God often uses to draw me into intimate dependence on Him.
The Confession of Saint Patrick is an awe-inspiring account of a humble life given to God, and a heart committed to sharing Christ with others – even while being enslaved, chained, falsely accused, nearly starved, almost martyred, insulted, and persecuted. In Chapter Three, he declares, “That is why I cannot be silent – nor would it be good to do so – about such great blessings and such a gift that the Lord so kindly bestowed in the land of my captivity.”
He again refers to this place of struggle as a present in Chapter 33: “I must take care not to hide the gift of God which he has generously given us in the land of my captivity. It was then that I looked for him with all my strength, and there I found him.” The gift was intimacy and dependence on God.
Which leads to this question: Would I seek God at all if not for the land of my captivity? Would I truly need him if my circumstances were not beyond my control or far beyond my comfort? Would I long for Him and know Him intimately if the seeds I’ve sown produced instant fruit?
I have pages of journal entries over the last twenty years that suggest otherwise. Times of discontentment, discouragement, grief, depression, and anxiety. Seasons of confinement to a smaller world through my kids’ medical and developmental traumas that propelled me into the arms and life-giving Word of a compassionate Heavenly Father.
Times when all I could do was lay in His lap, listening to Him whisper truths: It is not an arm of flesh that saves you (2 Chronicles 32:8), your current suffering isn’t even worthy to be compared with the glory I will reveal in you (Romans 8:18), I can always be found in times of trouble (Psalm 46:1), and your times are in my hands (Psalm 31:15).
In fairer places and calmer weather, I would have shirked that intimacy and headed out to conquer the world in my own strength and wisdom. In Genesis 26:3, God tells Abraham to “Stay here in this land and I’ll be with you.” The Hebrew word used reflects a journey by a stranger turning off the main road. Interestingly, it is the same word used in Isaiah 11:6 when He says “The wolf shall dwell with the lamb.” It denotes an unnatural habitation, living in a place that is not expected or normal. But His promise has been the same for me in these places – I will be with you.
What I may lose in comfort, preference, or independence, I gain in the greatest gift of all – His presence.
This holy haven of His with-ness which led a prostitute to wash Jesus’ feet with her tears and pour her perfumed offering upon him. (Luke 7:38) His incomparable companionship which caused the disciples to say, “Where else would we go – you have the words of life.” (John 6:68)
Wherever God holds me, He holds me. Whether soaring in the firmament or sweating in the fire, I will seek Him. And I can confidently say with St. Patrick, “In the land of my captivity… it was then that I looked for him with all my strength, and there I found him.”
Read St. Patrick’s Confession for free online here.
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